Are Our Relationships Scripted by Society?

Have you ever thought about how much of your love life is genuinely your own script, and how much is shaped by societal expectations? Well, it’s a bitter truth, but many of our romantic choices are subtly- or not so subtly- directed by the world around us. Let’s dive deep into this and see, HOW.

The Perfect Love Story (Or So We Thought)

You’re scrolling through Instagram, and a couple’s picture pops up. They’re having a candlelight dinner, with a neatly captioned photo, “Forever & Always ❤,” that has hundreds of comments screaming, “Couple Goals!” You double-tap, smile, and move on.

But let’s see the reality. That man was actually a friend of mine, but they had a fight just before clicking the picture. The candlelight dinner? An attempt to fix a relationship hanging by a thread. The “Forever” caption? A moment of hope, expecting things to be good again.

And yet, we fall for it, again and again. We don’t really know the actual scenario, just because someone has posted a “Couple Goal” photo.

But here’s the real question: Are our relationships truly ours, or are they just scripts society hands us?

Society has a set timeline for a “perfect” relationship… get a job by 25, marry by 27-28, have two kids by 35. If someone doesn’t follow this, people start giving unwanted advice and judgments.

Women face this pressure the most. A study in the ‘Journal of Psychological Research’ found that these expectations can make women feel stressed and confused, affecting their confidence and mental health.

For example, if a woman chooses to focus on her career instead of getting married early, she might hear comments like “Shaadi kab karogi?” (When will you marry?). If she decides not to have kids, people might say, “Bachon ke bina zindagi adhoori hai” (Life is incomplete without kids). These constant opinions can make her doubt her own choices, even if she was happy with them before.

The Love Script We Never Wrote

From childhood, we’re fed the idea of ‘the perfect love story’,

Boy meets girl -> They fall in love -> A grand wedding happens -> Happily ever after.

It’s the same in Bollywood, in novels, in fairy tales. But what no one tells you is what happens after that.

Research in ‘Psychology Today’ found that people who grow up believing in romance shown in movies often struggle more in real-life relationships. Why? Because reality never quite matches the fantasy, leading to disappointment and dissatisfaction.

Think about it. Have you ever dated someone because you actually wanted to, or because it was “time” to be in a relationship? Have you ever felt rushed into marriage because “log kya kahenge”?

That’s the societal script talking, not you.

But here’s the thing… love doesn’t follow a checklist, right?
Many Indians today are breaking this script. Some are marrying in their late 30s or even choosing not to marry at all. A 2023 report by ‘Indian Ministry of Statistics’ found that the number of single men and women in their 30s has significantly increased over the past decade. More people are prioritizing careers, personal growth, or simply waiting for the right person rather than rushing into marriage because of societal pressure.

Even within marriages, the script is changing. Couples are redefining relationships, choosing partnership over tradition, equal responsibilities over gender roles, and sometimes even opting for child-free marriages without guilt.

And yet, society still struggles to accept these choices. But the truth is, love doesn’t have to fit into an old formula. Whether you marry at 25, 40, or never, whether you have kids or not, whether you choose a love marriage, arranged marriage, or no marriage at all, your love story should be yours, not society’s.

Because real love isn’t scripted. It’s lived, experienced, and written in your own words.

Sticking strictly to societal norms can have unintended consequences. For example, research from the ‘National Institute of Cardiology’ in Warsaw found that marriage triples the likelihood of becoming obese. This raises questions about how societal expectations around marriage might indirectly impact health behaviors. I’m very sure you must have seen at your home or in your circle, too, how people look before marriage and how they transform after marriage, and have obesity issues and other health issues.

Moreover, men often face societal pressure to conform to traditional masculine norms, which can negatively affect relationship satisfaction. A study published in the ‘International Journal of Indian Psychology’ found that adherence to these norms can lead to decreased relationship happiness.

Now, ask yourself, Who’s Writing Your Story?

Take a moment and think, are your choices in love truly yours? Or are they shaped by what family, society, and movies have told you they should be?

Many of us unknowingly follow a set pattern, not because it makes us happy, but because it feels safe. A relationship that looks “perfect” from the outside may not feel right inside, but we stay because stepping off the expected path seems scary.

But here’s the truth, Love is not a script. It’s not meant to be followed; it’s meant to be discovered.

Some people find love early, some later. Some relationships last a lifetime, others teach lessons and move on. Some couples build families, while others build dreams together. There’s no single “right” way, there’s only ‘YOUR WAY’.

So, the real question is: Are you making choices that feel right to you, or just following what’s been handed down?

Because in the end, the only person who should be deciding your love story is YOU.